Quazer/Stories
Alk receives an invitation to join Quazer on her merchant ship. To lure them aboard, she offers lucrative patronage, but the terms of her questionable support don't come cheap.
???: Allow me to cut to the chase: This is a formal invitation. I would have you visit my merchant vessel.
???: You've all piqued my interest, and my interests deserve appropriate patronage.
Quazer: I look forward to your visit, my little gum drops.Love, Quazer.
Quazer: Welcome to my humble ship. Please, do make yourselves comfortable.
Light: As if we could!
Light: Why do those children have collars on their necks?! We won't stand for this!
Quazer: I know it's disquieting.
Quazer: But you can't pay your expenses through adventure alone, can you? Why else would you accept my invitation?
Quazer: You can relax. These children are here of their own accord, despite what you may think.
Quazer: You may consider their presence as evidence, evidence that I am a sincere person.
Quazer: How can we come to an equitable agreement if we are not honest with one another? I already know much of you, so now you shall grow acquainted with me...
Quazer: And my love of all things adorable.
Quazer: Well, come on then. I shall give you a tour of the ship.
Alk: Wow... If you sold one of these, you could afford to feed thousands...
Quazer: Does that strike your fancy? Then all that adorns this room is yours.
Alk: No, I couldn't!
Quazer: These rocks lack cuteness, and therefore have no value to me. The sweet children, however, won't be going anywhere.
Quazer: You, rabbit... You seem a bit reluctant to do business with me.
Light: People are not pets. And I do not desire the patronage of anyone who would believe otherwise.
Light: There is no promise of wealth that can tempt us.
Alk: Sorry. It IS all a little much...
Quazer: Don't worry your pretty little head. I can understand your discomfort. But it is what it is. When I see an adorable neck, I ITCH to snap a collar around it.
Quazer: And, Light... You have one of the most adorable necks I've ever seen.
Light: You think me a helpless woodland creature?
Quazer: Not JUST a woodland creature. There's so much more to you. The nobility, the powerlessness... When I see you, I am overcome with joy.
Quazer: You want to save those kids, don't you?
Quazer: You want to defeat me and break their chains. But your wee arms don't have the strength.
Quazer: Even if your allies best me, the children will remain mine in spirit. After all, they know where their loyalties lie.
Quazer: Surely you recognize this. Fragile souls need to feel controlled. They cannot save themselves from their own weakness.
Quazer: You are, truly, a wonderful hero. An adorable, wonderful hero...
Light: Speak plainly!
Quazer: All I suggest is that you act as you see fit.Now, it seems we've gotten to know each other. Shall we return?
Quazer: You will have my full patronage, on the condition that Light accompanies me from time to time.
Alk: So if Light comes to hang out with you, you'll give us money?
Quazer: In a nutshell, yes.
Alk: Light, some things are more important than money, we can—
Light: I'll do it.
Alk: But—
Light: It must be this way. Someone needs to keep tabs on this nefarious character...
Light: We shall take your deal. But I won't be manipulated. No matter how hard you push.
Quazer: I wouldn't dream of it, my adorable little hero.
Quazer: There. Our contract is complete. Now you shall never escape my grasp.
Light arrives on Quazer's ship, ready to fulfill his half of their bargain. He's suddenly whisked away by a sea monster, but Quazer is quick to organize his rescue. After a nefarious plot using pirates as bait for the creature, the questionable merchant successfully retrieves her adorable hero.
Quazer: Welcome back. I'm glad you came without any... extra encouragement.
Light: *Sigh* We received payment in full. Fair is fair.
Alk: I could finally afford to make macarons. Here, try one, Quazer.
Quazer: Why, thank you! What a precious design. I'll display it proudly.
Alk: But I made it for eating?
Quazer: What a waste! I would rather keep it for my collection.
Quazer: Would it happen to come with the chef, by any chance?
Light: Stop trying to claim us all!
Alk: We're under attack!
Quazer: Drawn by these precious creatures, were you? Too bad I'm not the sharing type!
Light: Watch out!
Alk: Light!
Alk: What do we do! We can't abandon Light!
Quazer: I need buffoons who know these waters. But not a peep about the sea monster or any ships it may have wrecked, got it?
Quazer: Money is no object. As per usual, I will have what I seek, no matter the cost.
Quazer: So the beast that whisked my lovely hero away makes its lair on a deserted island...
Quazer: So? How much do you imbeciles want to retrieve him?
Alk: Wow, even the pirates are scared...
Quazer: They want easy profits. Crooks will be crooks; why risk your neck for a hero?
Alk: ...We're running out of time. Let me go—I'll save him myself!
Quazer: I'm sure this won't endear him to me, but...
Quazer: Fine. I have orders you lot should be able to manage: spread the story that there's treasure on that island. And make sure it spreads far.
Crewmate: Land ho! The island's straight ahead!
Captain: Heh-heh-heh! I smell bounty on the sea breeze, mateys! Today's our lucky day!
Crewmate: Cap'n, haven't you heard the rumors? There's tell of a kraken about!
Captain: Bah, that's just pub talk, spread to keep us from our goal. We have to get there before the landlubber who spread the rumors in the first place!
Captain: Ahh, I can taste the doubloons already! Ready the anchor, mateys—
Crewmates: S-sea devil!
Quazer: I wonder how many ships it sank today.
Alk: Sounds like you wanted it to sink a whole armada...
Quazer: They're just stupid, ugly pirates. I'll have my men rescue them... for a fee.
Quazer: But at least they were useful. A brilliant distraction, and enough of them to repeat the tactic as many times as we need.
Quazer: You pathetic creature. You played right into my hand.
Quazer: Aww, my adorable hero. You will never escape me again...
Pirates: Wh-what! The sea devil's already dead!
Pirates: The treasure is finally ours! Haha! Sorry if you thought YOU were going to get it.
Quazer: It's all yours...
Pirates: Yaaaargh! Gold!
Quazer: ...if you can find any.
Light: You are unbelievably vicious. More dangerous than any fiend.
Quazer: Aww, you don't appreciate being saved?
Light: Personally, I can't stand you. But I also won't deny that you rescued me.
Light: As much as I despise your methods, it seems there are still things I can learn from you.
Quazer: Oh, my adorable little hero.
Light: Grr, stop that, right now!
Quazer: Ah, I hate when you act like you can help yourself. It breaks my fantasy.
Quazer: If you want, I could reveal that fantasy to you. Every little bit, until you know me inside and out.
Light: Sounds like a fate worse than death. Alk, we're going!
Quazer: Aww, he truly is the most adorable thing.
Quazer buys a pirate city, but announces she wishes to expel the uncute masses. Light, knowing the suffering this would cause, volunteers to help her govern the municipality. Though Quazer easily sees through his deception, she humors him due to his adorableness.
Quazer: Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes.
Light: You summoned me? Undoubtedly for another twisted scheme?
Quazer: Twisted is such a harsh word.
Quazer: Just last week, a number of pirate crews found themselves shipless. Now, the coastal city where they sought refuge is attempting to sell off its governing rights.
Light: ...Sounds a bit too orchestrated.
Quazer: Now, now. I would never manipulate the market. Though I admit it was an attractive locale, so I secured the purchase.
Quazer: I regret only one thing: there is not a single cute soul within the city.
Light: You're worried about what your new citizens LOOK like?
Quazer: Of course not. I was concerned that my new little gum drops wouldn't require my protection. They would never ask me with their full hearts for my patronage.
Quazer: And yet—realizing I own their labor, the way they hang their heads in utter hopelessness—I could not resist!
Light: Spare me the details, please. What are you going to do with your new pets?
Quazer: I was thinking, perhaps, I should exile them all.
Quazer: My city should be a place for only the adorable to congregate. Where cuteness is produced and displaced. And it will all be for my benefit...
Light: If you think I will allow such a—
Light: (No... Antagonizing her would accomplish nothing... Gods above, forgive me for what I'm about to do!)
Light: Ahem, Quazer!
Quazer: Yes, my cute little hero?
Light: I think that you will be a superb ruler!
Light: You have ideas like no one else I've ever encountered! Such as this very... streamlined city plan!
Light: So, well... I think you should go through with it! With my assistance! We'll manage the city affairs hand in hand!
Quazer: I'll give it some thought.
Former Pirate: Don't flounder! Get your fresh fish here! Cheap as gills!
Former Pirate: Coral handicrafts! Serving you perfect seaside souvenirs!
Light: This is amazing! I've never seen such an active harbor! You can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it!
Quazer: I merely gave them fishing rights and a ship.
Quazer: Labor is the power that drives the market. These crooks just needed to be made into laborers, and the rest took care of itself.
Light: You make it sound like it was easy... Thank goodness you actually listened to my advice.
Quazer: Indeed. You didn't garner an inch of height, but even I can see that you've grown by this experience.
Quazer: I, too, once fraternized with my superiors, hiding my true intentions from them. Ahh, such good memories.
Light: Agh?!
Quazer: One note: your confident façade is lacking. You would curry more of my favor by acting distraught.
Light: H-how dare you! That kind of deceit is beneath me!
Quazer: I suppose so. We're cut from different cloth. But that's why I loved your little experiment here.
Quazer: You went through so much trouble to trick me. How your heart must have been beating, worrying that I would find out.
Quazer: This whole time, I've completely monopolized your thoughts. And I couldn't be happier.
Light: ...!
Light: Let's... Let's continue the tour! We still haven't sampled all the stalls!
Quazer: After you. I would LOVE to see these samples we missed.
Light: Grrh... Humph!
Quazer: Oh, Light. You are so precious.
Light: I am NOT precious! I am strong and noble!