Kaiyu/Stories
Kaiyu was relieved of her title as a monk—but not for lack of spiritual abilities. The crass merrymaker leads a lingering spirit to peace in the afterlife, and wanders her way to Starview from the big beyond.
Monk: Taaake one down, pass it arooound! Sixty-nine bottles of— Heh. Sixty-nine.
Monk: C'moooon, that kid's gotta be around here SOMEWHERE.
???: *sniffle*
Monk: Oh! About time I found you!
Ghostly Girl: Mommy?!
Kaiyu: You wish, hunny! The name's Kaiyu.
Ghostly Girl: ...Huh? Wh-who are you?
Kaiyu: Bahahaha! I just told ya, the name's Kaiyu! K-A-I-Y-U! Aaanywho, I've been looking for you. C'mere, sweetie.
Ghostly Girl: Are you a monk? What happened to your clothes?
Kaiyu: Oh, I sure WAS a monk. Heh. They kicked my ass outta there, so I slipped into somethin' a little more comfortable.
Kaiyu: Look, all you've gotta worry about is gettin' home to your mommy. Follow me.
Ghostly Girl: You know Mommy?!
Kaiyu: Course! She and your Daddy are waiting for you.
Ghostly Girl: Daddy? But I don't have a Daddy...
Ghostly Girl: He... Huh? Wait, Mommy also— Mommy also... also... Why can't I remember?
Kaiyu: Shhh, it's okay. Don't force it, Otsu.
Kaiyu: I'm Kaiyu. You're Otsu. Right?
Otsu: ...Yeah.
Kaiyu: Alrighty then! C'mere, you!
Kaiyu: You just hold my hand, and I'll show you the way.
Otsu: Whoa...
Kaiyu: Look at all those petals! Perfect time to be passing through.
Otsu: Where's Mommy? I don't see her.
Kaiyu: We just passed through to this side. It'll be a little longer till we get to your Mommy, so hang in there!
Kaiyu: If it gets scary, you just squeeze my hand real tight, okay?
Otsu: Okay...
Otsu: Um... Hey, Kaiyu?
Kaiyu: Yeah?
Otsu: I remembered Daddy. His name was Yasuke.
Kaiyu: Yasuke, huh?
Otsu: Mm-hm. He went missing when I was really little, so I don't remember him very well. Mommy got sick and then... then she... *sniffle*
Otsu: D-don't let go of my hand.
Kaiyu: I won't, sweetie.
Otsu: Thanks...
Kaiyu: I'm not an expert or anything, but I'm sure you'll like your new home here. How bad can it be, right?
Kaiyu: Oh? Looks like she passed on.
Kaiyu: Another lost spirit back on track! Now the big question is, where the heck am I?
Kaiyu: Well, whatever. When did I ever have my life on track? Onwards!
Kaiyu: Who knows, maybe this is the path to enlightment? ...Pshhh! Bahahaaa, oh man, I crack myself up.
Kaiyu: Oooh, now THIS sure isn't what I was expectin' the other side to look like.
Light: Someone just came out of the World Flipper! Who are you?
Light: W-wait, what are you wearing?! You're barely decent!
Kaiyu: Bahahaaa! I can do worse than "barely," bunny boy!
Kaiyu: Anywhoodles, the name's Kaiyu. I'm a former monk, wanderin' wherever the winds blow me. Nice'ta meetcha.
Left with the tab for Kaiyu's debauchery, Light furiously hunts the ex-monk down. He finds her drinking with an old man, clearing out his final regrets with warm plates and merriment before laying his spirit to rest.
Light: Kaiyu!
Light: KAIYU!
Light: KAIYU, GET OUT HERE THIS INSTANT OR SO HELP YOU!
Alk: L-Light?! What's wrong?
Light: Kaiyu! Where is she?!
Alk: I-I don't know! ...You scared me half to death, Light. Why are you looking for Kaiyu?
Light: That lying, cheating DEGENERATE was out all night! I was worried sick, and when she FINALLY crawled home, she left me with a bill and vanished!
Light: Not to mention the bill was for... for... Nngh! I cannot BELIEVE her!
Alk: Huh? What was it for?
Light: For a-a— A disreputable adult establishment that will not be spoken of under this roof!
Light: *ahem* At any rate, we have to stop her before she causes any more trouble! Got it?!
Alk: G-got it. I'll help look. Why'd you think she was here, anyways?
Light: I don't know! I already looked everywhere else! EVERYWHERE!
Alk: Y-yikes... With you like this, I'd hide too.
Kaiyu: Whew, that was close! I can't believe Alk didn't notice me. He's dumber than I am!
Kaiyu: But BOY is Light pissed. Why's he care what I do with my free time?
Kaiyu: There! Just like I was never here.
Kaiyu: Light's gone, coast is clear, and I'm thirsty as hell from all that running. Time for some fun!
Light: That degenerate! She could be anywhere. ...But she cannot hide forever!
Light: Come, Alk! No matter what it takes, we WILL find her. And she. will. PAY!
Alk: All right, all right, but please don't shout. People will think WE'RE the bad guys...
Light: If that's what it takes, fine! FINE! ...To think my money went to s-such, such DEBAUCHERY! I have a debt to collect, and will not rest until it is repaid!
Light: Kaiyu's drunk her last drop!
Light: Oof. S-she was right here?! The whole time?!
Nimbus: Yup. Heard you louuud and clear, Light. What're you doing?
Light: What are YOU doing? ...And I am absolutely not paying the tab.
Kaiyu: Just a little wining and dining! And don't worry about the tab, bunny boy.
Kaiyu: Alk's got a wallet, right?
Flushed Geezer: No worries, friendsh! Roundsh're on me. Let an old geezer have a liddle fun.
Flushed Geezer: Kaiyu and Nimbish 'ere have—hic— have been keepin' me company fer my lasht drinks.
Light: Your last drinks?
Flushed Geezer: Heh. I'm old and my liver doeshn't work like it used to.
Light: Then you shouldn't be drinking!
Flushed Geezer: Mebbe. But I'd rather go with friendsh'nd a smile than alone in bed with my nightmares. Kaiyu makesh me forget—hic—all my worries and regretsh!
Kaiyu: Yup, our brains aren't big enough to fit all the clutter! Keep what makes you happy, and throw out the rest!
Nimbus: Yeah, let's hear more about the good times! C'mon Gramps, tell 'em about how you met your wife!
Flushed Geezer: Ooh, sure! Wouldn't mind telling that one again! Shee, back in the day I wush an adventurer!—and went on an egsh-exshpedition to the Kableidoshcope's deepest depshs.
Light: You went to the depths? And are still here to tell the tale? Tell me more.
Kaiyu: ...How was that for a send-off?
Flushed Geezer: Heh, it was perfect, old pal.
Kaiyu: You good to go? No more regrets? ...I'd rather not have to exorcise an old friend.
Flushed Geezer: Yeah, I'm good to go. That sure was an interesting bunch of fellows! I'll have some good stories for whoever I meet on the other side.
Flushed Geezer: Thanks for everything, Kaiyu. Goodbye.
Kaiyu: Bye bye!
Kaiyu: Whew, that was a blast! I'm beat.
Light: Nmm... W... ait... Kaiyu, I can't... nmm... Kaiyuuu...