Clyde/Stories
Clyde is a no-nonsense warrior, cursed with a potty-mouthed shield that he can't remove. Light, also a no-nonsense warrior plagued by a curse, immediately takes to him and invites him to Starview Village.
Alk: Organizing warehouses, buying weapons...
Alk: I thought the Guild was supposed to handing out quests, not chores.
Light: All important tasks, Alk. The first step to any journey is seeing that your own house is in order.
Light: That stall looks promising.
Street Vendor: Clyde. What do you think of this shiner?
Clyde: Mm...
Street Vendor: Would it kill you to respond with more than a syllable? Ugh, you never show an interest in any of my wares!
Street Vendor: Why do you even keep coming? ...Y-you wouldn't be hoping to take ME out, by any—
Clyde: Shopkeep. This equipment—
Light: ...Welcoming to customers. The mark of a good shop.
Alk: Yeah, the merchant seems really friendly. Think she'll be willing to help us out.
Alk: Um, excuse me? The Guild sent us here to make some purchases, and—
Street Vendor: The Guild?! Ooh, sounds like gold to me!
Alk: We're looking for twenty sets of beginner equipment.
Street Vendor: If that's the case, why don't you help yourself to some of these swords?
Clyde: Put that down. Right now!
Street Vendor: Why? I'm running a shop here! You can't monopolize my goods! ...But, uh, if you wanted to monopolize ME, on the other hand—
Shade: OOooOoo...
Clyde: Not so fast!
Alk: Whoa...
Light: He's skilled with a shield.
Clyde: Move.
Street Vendor: Oh, sorry!
Clyde: I won't rest... until all cursed weapons have turned to dust!
Clyde: Grah!
Light: He broke the curse...
Alk: Look! The weapons are disappearing!
Street Vendor: Not just any weapons! My WARES!
Clyde: Here.
Street Vendor: A burlap... of Gold Denarii?
Clyde: Recompensation. But it's probably only worth half of what you had.
Street Vendor: You knew all along then... that my goods were jinxed.
Clyde: I have a history with cursed weapons... I'm trying to erase them from my future.
Clyde: Next time, sell swords that aren't possessed. It'll be better for business.
Light: A history...
Street Vendor: Oh, Clyde...
Alk: Wow. He was cool. One of those hardcore soldier types.
Alk: Uh... What's up?
Light: Wait!
Clyde: Mm? You're... that rabbit.
Light: I am no rabbit. I was once human.
Light: You and I... We are both cursed.
Clyde: Danger! Eliminate! Chaaarge!
Clyde: That wasn't me! It was the shield.
Light: Then is the shield what cursed you?
Alk: No way. A talking shield?
Clyde: It came from the Kaleidoscope. Merchant said it had a mind of its own, capable of analyzing the flow of battle.
Clyde: It's also supposed to answer my questions every time I say "Hey, Shield," but...
Alk: Guess that feature's not working.
Shield: Lies. Deception. Trickery!
Clyde: ...It talks when it wants to. I can't take it off. So most people think I'm... rude.
Light: Clyde. If you have nowhere else to go, join us.
Clyde: You?
Light: Yes. I am also cursed. We may be able to help each other.
Clyde: I'd appreciate that. I just ran out of funds.
Alk: Wait... Did you give the shopkeep ALL your money?
Shield: Imbecile. Ninnyhammer! Clown.
Clyde: Shut it.
A failed attempt to lift the curse leaves Clyde's shield both eloquent and rhyming (it's still potty-mouthed though). At least its attack and defense stats skyrocketed...
Alk: I've got you now!
Clyde: I shouldn't have pushed back so hard.
Alk: Why can't I break your guard?
Clyde: Stop hitting with all your strength. That creates more recoil. Look for an opening, and—
Shield: Lummox. Lubber! Again!
Clyde: Stop!
Alk: I've been thinking this for a while, but your shield is really mean...
Clyde: I know... It talks at the worst times, and it's turned me into an outcast.
Clyde: I'm going to break this curse, or die trying!
Shield: Absurd. Nutty. Ludicrous!
Light: I come with good tidings!
Clyde: Is today the day?
Light: Yes. Look at this!
Clyde: "Get your weapons decursified and your life back on track."
Alk: Wow. People will turn anything into a business.
Light: They had advertisements at the Guild. I hear if you go now, you can catch the opening sale.
Alk: Oh, then what are you waiting for? Happy shopping, Clyde!
Clyde: Okay. It's worth a try.
Alk: Welcome back! So, how'd it go?
Light: What is it, Clyde?
Alk: We've kind of been on the edge of our seats h—
Shield: Ohh, look at this poor fool in a funk. Guess THAT ship of dreams sunk. Better luck next time, punk!
Alk & Light: What.
Shield: Gahahaha!
Alk: Wow. I've never wanted to strangle a shield so badly in my life. What happened?
Clyde: I should've known when they read the disclaimers... "Not all hexes can be lifted, and individual results may vary..."
Clyde: Anyways, the shopkeeps tinkered with the shield. A light started glowing, a voice started speaking...
Clyde: And this thing... started rhyming.
Clyde: But watch this.
Clyde: Come on, Shield. Full output!
Clyde: It's stronger now.
Alk: Ooh!
Clyde: It'll take a lot of firepower to break Light's curse. This thing's infuriating, but at least—
Shield: Gahahaha!
Shield: Now, get down on one knee. To bow and scrape before me. 'Cause this shield'll turn your dreams into reality!
Clyde: Shut it!
Stella introduces Clyde to a droid technician, who says the shield can be removed IF its memory is wiped. Clyde finds that he doesn't have the heart to deprive his shield of everything they shared together, and decides to strap himself in for the long run.
Clyde: You sure they can remove my shield?
Stella: Not completely. But the chances look good.
Clyde: It's not going to start singing or anything, right? Because then I might use it to hit myself over the head, and end my misery.
Stella: You don't appreciate the entertainment?
Clyde: No!
Stella: A shame... Well, let us be on our way.
Clyde: Where are we going? A wizard's house?
Stella: No. Who we're about to see is as far from a wizard as you can get.
Clyde: So... how much experience do you have with curses?
Jolly Droid: Mm... I don't know that much about curses, but I am a whiz at mending broken parts.
Jolly Droid: I'll do it for free too... Since Stella's been sneaking me those sweet, sweet memory bytes.
Clyde: Isn't that against the law?
Jolly Droid: Relax. I was speaking figuratively. She's been telling me stories, okay?
Clyde: Stories?
Stella: Yes. I visit once in a while to share our adventures.
Jolly Droid: So, why don't you show me that shield? I have a feeling this is going to be right up my alley.
Clyde: All right.
Jolly Droid: Whoa! I can't believe my cameras! This shield is amazing!
Clyde: Can you take it off?
Jolly Droid: As is? Not a chance.
Clyde: *sigh* Great...
Jolly Droid: You can bet your last screw this thing is great! The inner workings here? It's normal metal and tech. But this out HERE? Now that's occult fairy-dust stuff.
Jolly Droid: Now, I said I can't remove the shield AS IS. But if you don't mind me completely WRECKING it... Yeah, I could pry it off your arm.
Stella: Is Mr. Shield going to die?
Jolly Droid: Well, its memory's gonna get wiped. As to whether a hunk of metal can die... I'm a technician, sister, not a philosopher.
Clyde: If it loses its memory... it loses the time we spent together…
Clyde: Graah!
Light: So you kept the shield.
Stella: I am glad Mr. Shield is still with us.
Alk: At least it stopped rhyming.
Clyde: All right, Shield. Let's do this.
Shield: Right. Forth. Conquerors!